The Columns

Column #1: “So You Want to Come to LA, Huh?”

Column #2: “So You Want to Come to LA, Huh?  2”  – COMING SOON!

Column #3: “So You Want to Come to LA, Huh?  3: Be Ready to Party!”  – COMING SOON!

Column #4: “So You Want to Come to LA, Huh?  4: The Move!”  – COMING SOON!

Column #5: “Pitchfests are a Waste of Time and Money!”

Column #6: “What NOT to do at a Pitchfest – Part 1” – COMING SOON!

Column #7: “What NOT to do at a Pitchfest – Part 2”

Column #8: “What NOT to do at a Pitchfest – Part 3”

Column #9: “What NOT to do at a Pitchfest – Part 4”

Column #10: “What NOT to do at a Pitchfest – Final Thoughts”

Column #11: “What to do AFTER a Pitchfest…”

Column #12: “Sell yourself, NOT your Script!”

Column #13: “What I Look for When I Get a Script…”

Column #14: “What I Look for When I Get a Script – Part 2…”

Column #15: “Questions and Answers – Part 1”

Column #16: “Questions and Answers – Part 2”

Column #17: “Questions and Answers 3: Bring on the Haters!”

Column #18: “Loglines and First Round Winners”

Column #19: “Loglines, Pitches and Critiques…Oh My!”

Column #20: “Comments on The Golden Globes and Pitch Extension!”

Column #21: “ELVIS IS DEAD!!!! (Just Kidding)…PITCH WINNER ANNOUNCED!”

Column #22: “Breaking Down the Winner’s Script”

Column #23: “What to do with Criticism (and Where to Shove it When You Get it!)”

Column #24: “I’ll Take Quotable Quotes for $200, Alex…”

Column #25: “Quotes on Quotes, Some God Love and Oscar Time…”

Column #26: “Oscars Recap. Bring Billy Back and Some Advice From Guns N’ Roses…”

Column #27: “Old Bitter Fart Hurling Insults at the Youth of America…”

Column #28: “Sequels and How to Make Money Off of Charlie Sheen…”

Column #29 actually has an interesting story.  For SOME reason, something happened that prompted me to write a VERY angry, pissy column.  The next day, I thought better of it and wrote a completely different column.  I kept the original one though, just in case… for whatever reason… I needed it.  SO now, HERE, for the first time… you can read it!

WARNING:  I don’t remember why I wrote it and it’s pretty harsh.  I’m only posting it here for shits and giggles.  and THAT’S how it should be taken!

Column #29 (Original): “Don’t Make me Angry, You Wouldn’t Like me When I’m Angry…”

When I came out of my Hulk-Like rage…I put on new pants and wrote this one instead:

Column #29: “Crazy vs. Crazy!”

Column #30: “Find Your Voice!”

Column #31: “What NOT to Do!”

Column #32: “Me, Some Crazies and Big Poppa…”

Column #33: “Let the Roasting Begin!”

Column #34: “Harold, Lotti, Ray Liotta, Comedians, Vin Diesel and Me…”

Column #35: “The Secrets of Obama’s Beard…”

Column #36: “Stop Looking for a Job and Start looking for a Career!”

Column #37: “Take ME? No, Take YOU!”

Column #38: “Inside the Wonderful World of the Cattle Call…”

Column #39: “What NOT to Do at a Pitchfest…AGAIN!!”

Column #40: “A Sigh, A Slap on the Forehead and An Executive Noob…”

Column #41: “More Don’t and a Harsh Reality…”

Column #42: “Okay? So Now What?”

Column #43: “I Got My Period (piece)!!!”

Column #44: “Child Killers, Smooshing and Some John McClane…”

Column #45: “The King, Out of Towners and Carmageddon…”

Column #46: “Interview with Fade In Magazine’s Audrey Kelly!”

Column #47: “A New Breed and Questions from the Peanut Gallery…”

Column #48: “Movies you Should See…”

Column #49: “Movies you Should See 2: Electric Boogaloo”

Column #50: “Lions, Tigers and … Zombies?  Um…Oh My?”

Column #51: “It’s a Manny-versary, Charlie Brown! – Part 1”

Column #52: “It’s a Manny-versary, Charlie Brown! – Part 2”

Column #53: “Manny Tests Positive! Wait… What?”

Column #54: “Life vs. Fiction”

Column #55: “Shut ‘Em Down, He Got Game and Fight the Power…”

Column #56: “Is That an Enema? Nope! It’s Notes on Your Script…”

Column #57: “Yeah… I Don’t Even Know What This Is…”

Column #58: “Is That a Movie in Your Pocket, or are You Just Happy to See Me?”

Column #59: “Meetings, iHijacking and Biting…”

Column #60: “Swacking and the Demise of Your Family…”

Column #61: “Fake Celebs, Stop it Already and Bitch, Please…”

Column #62: “All Roads Lead to Poo…”

Column #63: “I’m Going on Vacation, So This is What You’re Getting…”

Column #64: “I’m ON Vacation So This is What You Get…”

Column #65: “You Can Sum it Up in Two Words… Development and Zombies… Development and Zombies…

Column #66: “Slacking, Remaking and Hanging with Ma-Sheen…”

Column #67: “This Just In! You Are NOT Quentin Tarantino!”

Column #68: “Hey! It’s Christmas! Get That Gun Out of Your Mouth… Wait… Put It Back…”

Column #69: “The Year in Review… Yeah, I know… But Trust Me, It’s Funny…”

Column #70: “What Did You Think I Was Going to Write? Gosh Darn Fiddle Sticks?”

Column #71: “The Wonderful Musings of Manny…”

Column #72: “It’s All About the Benji’s, Baby… uh… uh…”

Column #73: “Rewriting is Nothing More Than Sculpting a Big Pile of… Well, You know…”

Column #74: “Intros and How to Make Execs Feel Stupid… Cause, You Know, Sometimes They Are…”

Column #75: “Every Reaction is Caused by a Little Action…”

Column #76: “That’s What She Said… A Look at Dialog…”

Column #77: “Who is This She? And Why Does She Keep Saying Stuff?”

Column #78: “Dreamin’ Bout ‘Wood and Re-Writin’…”

Column #79: “Reading for Fun, Crap Sequels and Contestin’…”

Column #80: “The Polls are Closed and the Results are in!”

Column #81: “Writin’, Cleanin’ and Drinkin’…”

Column #82: “Is That a Camera in Your Pocket or Are You Just Happy to See Me?”

Column #83: “Bitchin’ ‘Bout Pitchin’…”

Column #84: “A Writer’s Story and Some Dreamin’…”

Column #85: “Keepin’ the Dream Alive…”

Column #86: “Confessions of a Pitchfest Survivor or:  How I Stopped Worrying and Unoriginally Parodied Manny’s Column Title…”

Column #87: “”Confessions of a Pitchfest Survivor or: How I Stopped Worrying and Unoriginally Parodied Manny’s Column Title: Part Deux”

Column #88: “Is it Real or is it Memorex?”

Column #89: “My Description of Descriptions is Probably Too Descriptive…”

Column #90: “He Said That? Oh No! Does He Think I’m Fat?”

Column #91: “Are You Done Yet? (Said the First Girl I Slept With)…”

Column #92: “Is That? No, Wait… Can’t Be… He’s Dead, Right?”

Column #93: “TV Land, What Nots and a Very Special Case…”

Column #94: “More What Nots and Yeah, I’M the Bad Guy…”

Column #95: “Readers Be Cray!”

Column #96: “Good Point! Oh Really? and Just Wait!…”

Column #97: “Okay, Okay so Apparently WE’RE the Problem…”

Column #98: “Hangin’ It Up…”

Column #99: “Workin’ for It… and by ‘IT’ I Mean…”

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One thought on “The Columns”

  1. Just read the newly-released #29 (“Don’t make me angry…”) and loved it. But parts of it seemed familiar… did you perhaps eventually publish a toned-down version of it (or parts of it) in a later column? Favorite part:

    “Don’t write what you think the market needs…” through “YOU’RE the arrogant one for thinking that you have the winning formula when you don’t.”

    I also read the #29 originally published (“Crazy vs. Crazy”) and I definitely remember reading that back when it was first released. And my favorite part remains:

    “It’s calling the interns at the office, from your home, to ask them to call your assistant who is AT your fucking house, to tell him to have an intern call your driver (who’s AT the fucking house) and tell him that he wants to talk to him.”

    Gotta love it!

    Looking forward to revisting more of these pearls of wisdom (and making sure I didn’t miss any) once I finish the current draft of my latest screenplay.

    (By the way, IMHO not only have you not brought down the quality of Marvin’s newsletter, you have dramatically increased it.)

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